It gives me tremendous pleasure to
send you this greetings from the last communist fortress on the face of
earth. Yeah, you heard it right: The Last Communist State. We call it
the Rock Creek, and is located right next to Boulder, Colorado and is
in the Town of Superior. This is particularly significant because both
Cuba and China are whole heartedly embracing the good: capitalism and
free trade, along with individual and property rights.
It is with respect to the latter
aspect, individual and property rights, that our beloved People's State
of Rock Creek outlives the original people's states. Here are my
reasons to arrive at such an obvious conclusion.
As a new home 'owner' (quotes
indicate the meaninglessness of the term), I was given a set of
documents at the time of closing, one of which was the 'covenants' of
the Home Owner's Association. As of now, I don't know if it is
mandatory to be a member of this ass* (I have become a fan of regular
expressions, so, for convenience, I will be using the
POSIX-conforming regex ass* to match 'association'). If so, it
may be unconstitutional. More on this in the future.
Now this Home Owner's Ass* sent me a
welcome package. It dealt mostly with the fines that I may be charged
for violating the covenants. To be fair, the covering letter started
with the customary 'Congratulations for buying your new home. Welcome
to Rock Creek!'. In addition, it contained a (long) list of things I am
not supposed to do, on 'my property.' They are in the interests
of protecting the aesthetics and value of the properties in the
community. It is a good thing, I agree. For the good of the whole is
more important than the good of an individual. Jesus H Christ, who
seems to be the most popular communist in the history of human kind,
said so. So it must be true. Here's a short list:
1. Before I can install a dish
antenna, I must send a notification of intent to the Home Owner's Ass*.
If the antenna is more than a meter in diameter, it is prohibited. So I
can't install an antenna in 'my property' because the 'representatives'
of my neighbors, alias the Ass*, think that it spoils the beauty of the
'community.' I agree. I love my neighbors and I wouldn't wish harm
coming their way.
2. Before I can repaint the exterior of 'my house,' I need to send a
sample of the paint to the Home Owner's Ass*. The board of
directors would (a committee) evaluate the aesthetics of the color and
would decide if it is okay for me to paint that color. Certainly, you
would agree with me that the aesthetic sense of a group is better than
that of an individual? So I shall whole heartedly supply the Ass* with
enough paint for them to decide.
3. There was an instruction on what color I should choose to paint the
fence. The color and all its details were specified in the document.
But the several wise men in the Board of Directors of the Ass* also
decided the manufacturer; in fact, the document specifically says that
this particular paint is only available at Sherwin-Williams! Certainly,
you would agree with me that it is in the interest of the community
that there must only be one product, so that people are relieved of the
burden of choosing among the many? Not only aesthetics, but mental
peace of the whole community is preserved.
4. The Home Owner's Ass* insists that the mail boxes shall be installed
by the builder and shall be of the standard color and make. Standard,
of course, is set by the several wise men in the Board of Directors of
the Ass*. As a home owner, I should not change the mail box or paint it
with a different color. This, again, is for preserving the aesthetics
of our lovely community. But, I ask, did I check the color of all mail
boxes around Reliance Cr and confirm that they were all of the standard
make and color before I decided to buy the house? Sorry, I can't
seem to remember.
If these things do not convince you, you are most welcome to visit our
beloved People's State. I shall try to convince our wise Board of
Directors to arrange a demonstration of the uniformly happy inmates.
Don't you know, since we have all been relieved of the burden of
decision making, we are constantly in a state of nirvana. Gautama the
Buddha couldn't have hoped for more. Oh, I am sorry, he was an
individualist.
Since this is a People's State, to be fair, I should admit that I too
have a say in protecting the aesthetics of my neighborhood. So here's a
list of things that I will be proposing to be enacted into covenants:
1. While mowing the lawn, everyone should be wearing white pajamas with
gray stripes. Each stripe must be exactly 2.828cm wide (which you, as a
keen observer, would notice as the first four digits of the base of
natural logarithm, e). The color gray is defined by the RGB combination
0xFCFCFC, which again is a hexdecimal approximation to e. I am certain
that this would not only enhance the beauty of our lovely neighborhood,
but also would free my dear neighbors from deciding what to wear while
mowing the lawn.
2. Since the presence of brightly colored sports cars can convey the
impression, to a potential buyer, that the community has a significant
number of young adults, resulting in a potential loss of value to the
property, colors of the cars must be prior approved by the Board of
Directors of the Home Owner's Ass*. In fact, it is recommended that the
home owners use either a Chrysler minivan or a conservatively colored
mid-size sedan. In addition, I would suggest that, being very patriotic
US Persons (since I am not a citizen yet, to include myself, I shall
use the legal term US Person), we should all buy Detroit made cars.
3. To promote the social well-being of inmates, the Home Owner's Ass*
should also recommend young married couples to have children as quickly
as they can. In the beginning there will be no restriction on the
number of children a married couple can have. The lawyers of Home
Owner's Ass* also note that children are tax deductible. However,
children out of wed-lock are strongly discouraged. Also, marriage,
according to the Home Owner's Ass* is defined as that between one man
and one woman.
Long live the People's State of Rock Creek and Long Live the Home
Owner's Ass*
Yours obedient, nirvanic, comrade of the State,
Sanjay Velamparambil